Sunday, November 7, 2010

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Friday, April 17, 2009

Let me off this emotional rollercoaster!

It's been a crazy few weeks....Last week, my husband got laid off from his newspaper job. No warning, just a suspicion the night before, and then BAM the next day he is no longer employed. This obviously caused a lot of stress since I've been unable to work and we were already living pay cheque to pay cheque as it was. They did give him two weeks severance, but out health benefits ended the day he was laid off. So, we stocked up on as much of my medications as possible.

Even though it was a very emotional day we managed to be very productive about the whole thing, well I should say that my husband was able to be productive and I was able to be supportive. Before leaving workhe was able to grab a bunch of his articles to use as writing samples. He also passed out his business card to co-workers with his email and phone and asked them to keep their ear to the ground if any freelance writing gigs comes up. He also grabbed all the contact info he had from the two years worth of interviews he did, and generally cleaned off most of his files on the computer. He also filed for EI and made a list of people to contact for more freelance opportunities in town.

Since that day, and because of his getting laid off, things have really changed. He has contacted some people in town and it sounds like he is going to be able to make it work as a freelancer in town.

We have also since decided that it might be a good time for him to return to school, to become a teacher! We live in a city whose university is known for having one of the best ED programs, so it really seems to make sense. Being a teacher will allow him to opportunity to talk about polititics, and current events a lot (since he is planning on being a Social Studies teacher, hopefully for high school), allows us to stay in our home and not have to worry about selling our and finding another, has more of a guarantee that he will not get laid off due to another recession, and allows him time off on holidays and in the summer so we can travel. Oh, and better pay than being a reporter too is a good thing.

All-in-all everything has happened very fast. He is already registered at Uni and will be starting May 6th! He has even registred for the Fall and as soon as that is processed (about a week) he will be registering for classes for the fall. And then, he should be able to have his degree done in about 3 years! This is of course if he is able to get into all the classes he needs to exactly when he needs to, and taking into consideration the classes he already took at the Uni and his diploma at the college, and he will be taking summer classes it will be a lot of hard work. I told him to worry about the work though because I'll take care of home stuff and he can just focus on school.

I have finally applied for diability too, which is a good thing. It will still take sometime before I even know if I am approved, but at least I have the ball rolling now.

And in some not so good news, Spider (my black and white cat) is missing. She has been gone for one week and I am thinking that she will not come back. We accidentally had the front screen on our porch open last week one evening and she snuck out (as she loves to roll in the dirt), but we didn't know until a few hours later and she was gone. I spent the whole night awake, waiting in the hopes she might come back and meow to be let in (our apartment is a few feet off the ground and she would not be able to jump back up on her own). I called her and called her all night, left out food, wandered around the block with a falshlight calling her name, but she never turned up. So, the next day we made posters and put them up in the neighbor hood, at shelters, and in a grocery store near our home. We have gone to the shelter a few times now and have had no luck. I've contacted other cat rescue organizations in the hopes they might hear or see something, but again, no luck. It's been hard to deal with as I have had Spider since she was a kitten, which has been about 9 or 10 years. It's been hard on Kitten (my other kitty who is 2) as well. She seems to be a little sad, and I think she really misses Spider's companionship. I'll probably keep looking for awhile, but I think for Kitten's sake, we might end up getting another young cat or kitten soon.

I love kittens and I am excited to bring home a new baby, but I realy would rather just have my Spider baby back....

Tuesday, March 31, 2009


Not really sure how I am going to approach this one. Work gave me a call last night, the same manager who had called over a month ago. I missed the call, but he left a voicemail saying that I was still an employee and this was not meant to be a forced medical leave. Basically he wants to know if I plan on coming back....

I really don't know what to do. My health has not been great still, and the thought of going back to work and being questioned by so many people as to where I was, and what was wrong, and am I ok, well, the thought stresses me out and makes me slightly ill. Part of me knows it would be great to have the money, but I think I need to seek more help with my illness, and my emotions. I just don't know if I am ready to go back to work.

On a more positive note, I have been part of a group call 'craftster' and I am currently working on my first craft swap! And, it is a secret swap, so I get to "stalk" someone and then make crafts for them and send them off! How exciting! And someone gets to do the very same for me. I am getting so anxious and have been holding off going to the craft store because I want to wait until I see who my person is, and some of their interests. I really hope I can come up with a few good ideas and that they work out! hehe

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

what I want to be

I use to want to be a film maker. I was in high school when I dreamed of this. I looked into going into film school in the states. It was expensive, and I doubted my ability to pay for it, or to ever make much money.

I use to want to be a veterinarian. I was very young when I considered this. I just wanted to be around animals and have them love me when as I cared for them. I don't know why or when I grew out of this idea, but somewhere along the line it faded away.

I use to want to be a teacher. I was just out of high school when I thought of this. I was working at a school at the time, and was so happy of how it felt to have the children admire me, and look up to me. I didn't want it to end, but then, I quit my job and the feelings faded.

I use to want to be an artist. I was a variety of ages when I dreamed of this. This is one thing that seems to really stick with me. But, I don't go to school, mainly out of fear of not being good enough and of wasting time and money. So, I try to push it out of my head and let it go.

I use to want to be a writer. I was in high school when I first felt this, and still to this day have the desire. I use to write to get my thoughts out. It was the "safe" thing to do when I felt something good, bad, unclear or ambivalent and didn't feel like sharing my feelings or thoughts with others. I went to school for my writing, but that didn't turn out the way I thought it would. I still imagine being a writer, but am not sure how I will get there.

I have had many dreams or ideas of what I wanted to be when I was older. Now I am older, am doing nothing, and no longer know what I want, or how to get there.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Losing job, that is.

Since being back from my honeymoon/vacation I have basically lost my job. I write "basically" because things are still up in the air, though I am sure it is over.

The confusion began when I called in sick for a shift (about 2 hours before my short 3 hour shift began), and then received a callback from one of the managers. I was not feeling well, and was emotionally exhausted, so I let it go to voicemail. I later listened to the voicemail and the manager did not sound happy. He was pretty much yelling in the phone saying such things as, "you are being disrespectful to your co-workers [for calling in sick]..." and, "...all your shifts will be cancelled for at least the next two weeks...". I understand why he would be frusterated, I had been calling in sick off and on for about 2 months (damn cold/flu, IBS and migraines, and added stress!!). However, this was the first negative thing I had heard from anyone at work. All the managers knew what was going on with me, and they had told me many times to "Take care of yourself", and, "Don't worry. Just get better!". Managers had said they were " worried about me!" and one manager even gave me a hug. Needless to say, when I recieved such a harsh call from a manager (whom I rarely deal with) saying my shifts were being cancelled, I was a little taken aback. Since then, I called that manager back and stated my concern and confusion (on his voicemail) and I have not since heard from him. The new schedules came out and my name was still on it but, there was not a single shift scheduled. So, I am a little confused as to what to do now.

My husband, Jeff, and I had talked about my quitting and working on my writing, and this seemed like the perfect opportunity to do so. However, I just cannot seem to shake the feeling of fear that my writing won't make any money soon, and that I (and possibly my husband) will feel as though I am taking advantage of the situation and not contributing to our lives.

I suppose the best thing I can do then is to quit and just focus on the writing. The sooner I really sink myself into it, the sooner I can begin to make a little cash at it. Every writer needs to start somewhere, right? Still, the whole idea gives me a feeling of nervous-excitiment, or is it nervous-fear? I can't seem to tell the difference.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

It's time for a change

I am writing this blog out of frustration with where I am in my life. I am writing this blog so I can have a place to write how I am feeling, and how I am creating changes in my life to better my situation.

The past two or three years have been very...well, hectic. In the past few years I have not only gotten engaged, but also planned a wedding on my own, and gotten married. I have also paid off some debt. Both of which I am very proud of. I also returned to school (college) and had to make the hard decision to drop out due to health issues. I have also been searching for a new family doctor while dealing with my health issues. I have had to quit about 3 jobs while being sick as well, which obviously adds to the financial stress I am already under.

Now, I am not writing this so that someone will feel sorry for me. That is not at all what I want. I am writing this to motivate myself to do something about it. I also would like to share with others what I am going through in the hopes that perhaps someone out there may be able to relate and not feel so alone, as I sometimes do.

So, feel free to read more or not. I really don't mind.